how old is your soul?

4.6.12
days come and go.
days change day by day.
feelings come and go.
but for now my feelings for u stay.

today didn't start of that great.
too many things happened :/ too many disappointments.
as i lay on my bed with tears in my eye.
i thought to myself..if you were the right guy.
i questioned the love we shared.
took a breath. shut my eyes.
All i could see then was you hugging me tight.
Thats all i needed.

it hit me hard.
the answer stroked me in the face.
i do really love u. i really do.


woke up with dry tears path on my cheeks.
as i read through ur msgs.
i put my pain behind me.
loving you was all that matters.
receiving love back from u was the goal. 


the day took it's turn finally. 
we were happy again.
in the arms of one another again.
loving again.


this 2nd monthasary..was a test from the above.
to see if we were worth putting effort on.
and baby, we definitely passed the test. 
hopefully from now on..
things would go smoothly <3


thank you hun. for giving me a chance.
to show you who i really am. for loving me.
for caring for me. and i'll do what it takes. u gain
your trust. till death do us part. i sayang my baby boy.

Happy 2nd Monthasary 
Yap Kitson

Priceless

22.5.12

I'm just speechless today. so much love. 
Yap Kitson <3 this one's for u.

honestly i never thought of calling you mine,
we were once strangers; life's from different ground,
both looking for love without any sign,
eventually met each other and guess what we found.

the day i saw you i thought you were real cute,
focused in the game; words of mute,
we never said more than a hi and bye,
look at us now; look how much time has fly.


i had you in mind,
prolly for a second in time,
knowing i wasn't the kinda girl you'll date,
right until fate took it's state.



it all started on 3rd April 2012,
the day that i officially met you,
you had that sense of humour i admire,
then i knew it was you that i desire.

had a dilemma on making a move on you,
cos i wasn't sure if whatever John said was true,
i dissolved my pride and followed my heart,
you replied within an hour and that was when it all start.




then it was the moment of getting to know one another,
the rumours and the ppl against us; we didn't bother,
we had our fun with the flirts, dates and all,
i never realise how deep i actually fall.

that brings us here on this lovely day,
the day i stare to into your glossy eye,
left there with tears and nothing to say,
knowing that i found the guy i could actually rely.

we've gone thru arguments, fights and cries,
we've gone thru laughters, hugs and butterflies,
knowing all these times spent with you were worthwhile,
knowing all i wanna see is you while walking down that aisle.

so hear me out babyboy,
i'm here; i'm serious; i'm not a toy,
i'm willing to fly over mountain and sea,
as long as you're in this rough batle with me.

my guardian angel.

.xxoo.

.CrystaL.

Tears

21.5.12

Things don't always work out :/
people don't always get  along.
but to give up is another thing.

couples fight in relationships only
to have fallen deeper after.
by avoiding it..we'll end up nowhere.

therefore, i love fights. i really do! if it
involves me and u. cos from there...
i'll know we'll just love each other more.

unfortunately, not everyone agrees with the same old thing.
regardless..i still love you. i'm sorry

.xxoo.
.CrystaL.

When LIFE gives u lemons.

19.5.12

people don't know what's it like to be another person.
you can always try to understand or
try to put urself in their postion.
but things just dont come out or feel right.

everyone goes thru shit just like how everyone needs to shit.
some shits are good(easier to release)
and there are some shits that are just pain in the damn ass (literally)
but we can never just give up can we?
jerry never gave up on eating tom.
spongebob never gave up on making squirward like him.
i never gave up when i lost my dad to a cunt.
i never gave up when i constantly thought i found love and lost love.

BUT...
through all the shits, you'll actually
realise what you need the most in your life.
i've found what i needed. i already have all i could ask for.
i may not be the richest mofo, the smartest nerd

or the prettiest model. 
but...
i have everything under control.
i have the people i need to keep me going.
i have my N5. i have my healthy mom and sisters.
and i found my new hopefully soon to be boyfriend. 
and honestly i thank god for how things roll now.
if those things didn't happen in my past.
i would end up with nothing right now. 

N^5
yeefern, lishyen, laikuan, kengean
Those are the ones that kept me alive.
those were the ones that had my back even when i was in the wrong.
those were the ones i knew i still had a reason to live.
every teenager once had their life on crisis.
the amount of times i wanted to just take a break
from life forever. they got me
to pause for a moment and think.
it never ends between us.
the laughs we shared.
the gossips we told.
the bitches we bitched of.
the time we spared.
it would all never end.
i knew i had them. i knew i would always have them.
their all i need to keep me going :')
even so, we would all still have to grow out of high skewl.
college starts and life changes.
even tho we'll get new frens.

new ppl in our lives.

but it's never the same without u guys around.

we just understand one another.

we love each other like family.we need each other like cars need petrol to carry on running.
thus..
if any of u guys need me 
i'm never too far, too busy or too corrupted
to run a mile to where u may be.
<3 forever and always N5

.xxoo..CrystaL.

Dreams

15.5.12

It has been a long time since anything was written here.
I've been so caught up with so many things that made
me realise and learn more. So i'm gonna start out with this post.

Every girl has a dream just like how every guy has a fantasy.
Lucky for me..i think i am on the right track.
I met this guy. It may be soon or so but he was the 
opportunity of my lifetime. He is that 1 of a billion
everyone speaks of. He is so close to perfect that it
scares me. 

I'm really just thankful for his existence now. We
may last or we wont. All i know is that...for the past 1 month and
13 days..i've never laughed so much and had so much fun in love.
You made me feel like i was me. i didnt have to portray or put on 
an act as if i was someone or somewhat different. i could be
as rough, as retarded, as fucked up or as lifely as i wanna be.
because i know that your exactly like me :')

What else should i say or could i say? i'm head over heels. 
i'm climbing mountains instead of rocks. I won a pot of gold
instead of looking for a rainbow. i found love even when 
i wasnt looking.

So hear me out if your reading this:

I've been through mountain and sea,
I've settled down every problems that could possibly be,
But just one lil thing thats been on my mind for so long,
How is it possible to love one this strong?

You're charismatic, smart and just one of a kind,
When even tho you're just you; it blows my mind,
I feel so blessed to have collided with your soul,
I commit you my heart as your hands are mine to hold.

Thank you for loving me without expecting non in return,
Because of you, I have not taught but obtain much to learn,
You lessoned me strength, care, love and tolerance,
I'm just afraid one day i'll end up troubling you with burdens.

You were there for me even when the sun isnt shinning,
you were there for me through out my whining,
So on this day i owe this gratitude to your life,
Cos i know for sure i want to be your wedded wife.

But for now we will enjoy each moment and time spent together,
Since things may or may not be meant to be forever,
At least in 10 years when i look back through the path of my memory,
I'd know that i did the right thing for choosing you to marry.  

One and only

<3 Yap Kitson
.xxoo.
.CrystaL.

bring me back to life

20.2.12
everything has been changing. ppl has been changing.
college just isn't the same. it is pretty depressing at some point.
to the extend where you'll not have friends who got your back.
but life goes on i suppose. sad to say, i changed too.

so here's my perspective of life.

LIFE. 4 words with possible 4million meanings in 4billion ethnics.
but what does it really mean? what is it really for? what is the purpose of me still living?
well for me, life is a product. it could possibly mean absolutely nothing.
i have life in my own hands. it's either i do something marvelously GREAT with it,
or i could just lay on my bed all day regretting on what i have not sought to
know. i'm a proud Buddhist and i believe in karma. we believe, when u do bad things;
it will might just as well lead you to a bad route.

i've never felt like a bigger bitch than just a few days ago.the day
i broke up with my bf, at that time. i broke up cos,
i couldn't tolerate him any longer. it's not that he was a bad bf till
i somehow just couldn't tolerate. but i changed. college changed me.
he was the sweetest and nicest i've had so far. sad to say, he wasn't mine.
when u have come to my stage in life..you'd realize that not everything goes as planned.
and not everyone are meant to be or could be together.  its just like..not every cloud rains,
not every skies are blue, not every seedling blooms into a flower. 

life has it's ups and downs, like a mountain. when bad things starts
to accumulate, you only know that good things are bound to happen.
this blog is dedicated to him especially. i'm just stopping here to apologize to you
for what i did. it wasn't your fault. your a great boyfriend, even one of the
sweetest. but trust me when i say i'm not the one. i would know. you're good looking,
you're young..just get over a bitch like me and move on. u will definitely find
the perfect one and only. i have my faith in you. and that girl, will be one hell of
a lucky chick. if she doesn't appreciate it. take a step back and move on again.
cos that's what life is, it doesn't determine your future but if u put
in enough effort and pain. it could just incorporate where u will end up.
i wish u all the best. and i am truly sorry. i never meant to hurt you.
but i did it for both of us. no other guys no other mixed feelings. just the
fact the we are not the right fit. like 2 pieces of a puzzle.
unfortunately, me and u aren't even the same picture of the puzzle.
thanks for your time and effort. you deserve the best, and she is out there.
take care <3


.xxoo.
.CrystaL.

a new chapter in life

22.12.11
happy birthday sister :) candice chai yuann yuann.
even if u have been a pain in my ass and constantly keep
getting me into trouble, your still my sister.
and i've got too much of a lil sister ego to tell u i love u 
face to face :) but i do. haha

on 19.12.11
- Vanity Night - smkbu prom :)
it was one of the best nights ever. 
went over at troppy about 1pm to tie 200 balloons D: 
quite sien la. LOL but its all good. went back to ls hse to bathe then
head over to ou for hair&makeup. reached back
at troppy about 7ish to find out it has
been blacked out since 6 -.- .
at 8pm, the generator arrives..and only after an 
hour...the electricity was back on. PROM was then kickstarted with so many performances :)
overall..it was an amazing night. everyone had fun :)
it was the best prom of 2011.
so hear me out, fuck you if u didn't come cos u
think it'll be lame. fuck you if u think 
we couldn't do it and fuck you if you looked down on us.
even with small number, we had the time of our lives <3

even with small numbers, we had the night of our lives :) <3 

after having to live in taiping..for so many days,
i really appreciate life more. this is based and for my ama. 
a few months back, on lantern festival day..
something bad happened to my grandmom :/
it was about in the evening when she went out with my grandfather..
to get some mooncake.
she was walking on the road towards the car after 
already purchasing the stuff they needed.
a motorcyclist drove buy and tried to pull off
the handbag from ama's arm. in shock,
ama lost balanced and fell head first on the road.
the motorcyclist did not manage to take the hanbag but 
ama was unconscious with blood coming out from her ears.
kongkong quickly rushed him to the emergency room.
as the results came back, ama broke her hip bone
and her brain was bleeding internally. hours pass and she was getting weaker and weaker.
the doctor in the taiping general hosp ordered her to be sent
to the main hospital in ipoh to be checked again.
ama was weak :/ she couldn't open her eyes. the bleeding of her brain did
not stop. thus, a surgery was needed to be done to have at least a chance for her to live.
the surgeon had a talk with mummy, over the circumstances of this surgery.
because of my grandmother's age, the chances of ama living thru this is slight.
and if she does manage to go thru the surgery..there will be side effects
such as memory loss and so on as they will be operating on her brains.
the surgery took place at about 12am till 3am. mummy received a call from 
the hosp saying its over, they can go see her now.
after all that :/ ama was in icu. having to go in there..and see
all these...tubes and wires connected to her. hurts alot. 
after weeks and weeks of seeing her in the same condition,
i had to go back to kl as it was my spm trials week. i already skipped
my moral paper for trials. as months passed..ama managed to fight
thru it. she woke up. i was so happy everything turned out ok.
today i sit here in taiping..watching my mom,aunt and my uncle..
helping her and nurturing her to walk again.
it brings tears to my eyes. it shows that...
life can just go like that...in a split second. why waste it on
things that'll bring u nowhere but down? 

i love my family. 
i love life.

.xxoo.
.CrystaL.