" sitting where I stand "

:
It all started when you got me all caught up in LOVE.
I appreciated you. i cherished you and most
importantly...i TRUSTED you.


you had me fooled.
I was wrong about you.
you did all this behind me.


I was stupid.
i shuold have known. but yet I
still called you even though we were distanced
far apart places.


I was fooled by your words.
you told me you "loved me"
and i believed you.


Found out the truth almost a week later.
and you were proud about it.
i just had to leave you..
you had me love stoned. Because of you
promises are mainly shit to me now.


What is the use of this broekn heart?
its not much you say.
put yourself in my position...
you'll then know.


It's better of left to lay there.
effortsly alone..without pushes.
Because what you did...will never change my
thinking about you.

Your a self-absorbed,
fake-emotioned,
mainly immature,
2 timing,
ego-maniac
...THING...(nothing will change that)



.CrystaL.

:: Its Not Over ::

I don't need regrets..
all i need is the truth.





. CrystaL .

.Home.

All the things you planned for the 14th.
whats the point now? the card, the dinner plan and all
those other crap...you should have thought about all these
before doing that behind me. what you did, i don't think its
forgetable or even forgiveable.

Enjoy these days of yours, when regrets start
creeping up your skin. the matter of
sadness or (if you do really have feelings) tears,
can never compare with the pain you
have put me through.

Beginning of All those nights you tell me, "you love me"
and then it turned to only "ly".. i still stood by you
like expecting the rain to come,
i was stupid.

Your all wrap up with lies and pure fakeness.
i should have just listen to what my
friends warned me about...but i dint
care about what they had to say...i followed my heart
and thats when shit happens.

At least now i know. I'll never see
you as the same old person,
the person i started a conversation with
saying ; "she thinks your gay"


His a whole new person now. She hopes
he knows. Those nights' memories
she kept them sacred. he just
made her burn everything
and distinguish them with fallen tears.
her anger raises the fire...
no matter how much she tries to distinguish them,
the fire keeps burning on and on,
bringing her back to square one...
completely alone

.CrystaL.

FUG YOU

your one of the biggest dumbass i have met so far.
no one..and i mean no one dared to do what you did
to me. now i understand why you needed your gang so badly.
because your one big piece of loaded bull shit
and its written all over you face.

hope you remember..WHO was
the one who helped you when you were
having problems with HER and WHAT
i did to help you when YOU were fucking
drunk the other night.

you think straight now...
and i hope you regret =]...regret lying to me
and doing things behind my back.
and enjoy your new life with HER again...
but this time..be more terrified.

good luck darling =]..you'll need it. trust me

.CrystaL.

.blackhole.

.every night i wait like this.
it hurts me deep inside.
you'll never know how i feel.
cos you take me for a fool.
a fool which you use to enlighten your day.
.i tried to prevent from you.
but its like we're getting closer.
and if i fall for you.
it'll end up being the same.
same like those other times when you played me.
.why can't i just let you go?
i wonder that myself.
there is just something about you i want.
but I'll never get...
.i thought this time would at least be different.
i had a lot of hope. you acted like you care..but do you...really?
.don't think you know but i wished for you
wished for you since ever...
So..where do i go from here?

ddct to a lil dinosaur(you know who you are)




.CrystaL.

inspired by aeren.

its currently 11.27pm. i'm on msn chatting with aeren and listening to "lick it good(uncensored) by khia" it goes like

* all you ladies pop your pussy like this
shake your body dont stop dont miss
all you ladies pop your pussy like this
shake your body dont stop dont miss*

lol...what a song! well it entertains me...=D

i'm up and still awake now thanks to aeren! he was the one who even figured out my title today...i got proof!



.CrystaL. says:
u go ngak ngak when ur drunk?
aeren ; pinkdoll. says:
hahah!
aeren ; pinkdoll. says:
no lah.
aeren ; pinkdoll. says:
when im drunk
aeren ; pinkdoll. says:
i just stone there.
.CrystaL. says:
ahhaha
.CrystaL. says:
dunno u did when u blog
.CrystaL. says:
lol
.CrystaL. says:
when i'm drunk i get as red as a lobster
.CrystaL. says:
lol
aeren ; pinkdoll. says:
same!
.CrystaL. says:
ahhaha
.CrystaL. says:
i'll go blog about ur damn post now
.CrystaL. says:
stupid post made me cry
aeren ; pinkdoll. says
: hahaha!
.CrystaL. says:
lol
.CrystaL. says:
give me a title!
aeren ; pinkdoll. says:
um um
aeren ; pinkdoll. says:
inspired by aeren.
aeren ; pinkdoll. says:
haha


see i told you!!!!....he did inspire me actually...with his

my guide to overcome boringness post...

lol...well here it is!! i'll like make the super super wtf ones more obvious! hahahahah


the first post that made me laugh the shit out of me!

• you can always sing a song.
• read a book @_@
• pretend your a teacher, and your teaching a class full of students.
• pretend your a rock star.
• try to dont think about monkeys
• drink water till you puke.
• eat something.
• watch tv.
• try to force yourself to exercise.
• make weird noises.
• count your savings.
• disturb someone and pretend nothing happened.
• be mad at something or someone
• go crazy and run around the house yelling 'i love bananas!!'
• take of your pants/skirt/jeans and dare yourself or some friends to run outside the house.
• play cards
• gamble.
• wear your cloths backwards.
• play dress-up.
• fold paper-planes and fly them.
• wear some cloths of the opposite sex.
• wear socks on your hands and start a puppet show.
• try on new hair-styles.
• pop all your pimple.
• take a shit.
• take of your cloths for fun.
• take pictures of your self.
• prank call someone.
• watch porn.
• talk to someone.
• talk to yourself
• draw some stuff.
• pretend to be dead
• play a round object.
• masturbate
• count your leg hair.
• smoke
• get drunk.
• plan your future.
• pretend you were king of the world.
• making farm animal noises and accuse it on other people.
• watch tv upsidedown
• break stuff.
• play truth or dare.
• be an oprah for a day.
• start a band
• get up and dance.
• crawl on the floor and pretend your a dog and bark on anyone who tells you to stop.
• torture yourself.
• think of pretty girls / hot guys.
• stare at yourself at a mirror
• try touching your nose with your tongue.
• try to skateboard
• pick your nose and laugh doing it.
• go out of your house (a park or somewhere), and strip and wear your cloths back on.
• stare at the computer.
• try to think of some ideas and post your own guide to overcome boredness. =

that was painful enough...thats like the 24th time i read it and it still makes me laugh till i cry...not its liek making me cough ill i'm turning all red! shit fuck! hahaha...


anyway...moving on to post number2!

• write blogs.
• poke yourself.
• call someone.
• insult people without any reason.
• jump around the house, and pretend to be a chinese vampire. (wtf?!?!? who does that? hahahahaahahahha)
  
• curi-curi drive your parents car.
• drink beer.
• destroy stuff you don't need.
• tear up paper.
• make animal noises untill your neighbors come's out.
• try to watch pornography and don't feel horny.
• comand people to do stuff by using your mind, and see whether it'll work.
• play scissors, paper and stone with your self and accuse your left hand or right hand of cheating.
• try to see your forehead without a mirror.
• make lame jokes about someone.
• make someone feel horny for no reason.
• go search google for weird stuff.
• disassemble stuff like an iPod.
• close your eyes and walk the whole house.
• try to don't speak to others, use hand signs to communicate with others.
• on every single air-cond in the house.
• insult your parents and see what happens. (kids pls dun listen to aeren gorgor haha)

lol...at least now i know wat to do when i'm bored...go to AEREN'S BLOG!!!!

anyway for those who dont know this "AEREN" dude...

there he is...thats all for tonight =D...

bb =D

.CrystaL.

.Future sex love sounD.

WoW! .its been a while since my last post...so...harlo =D...



I've been well lately...getting better after a terrible break-up like a month and a few days ago but hey at least I'm half way back up on my feet. thats what i am suppose to do i guess...to stand up after falling. there isn't anything else i can choose from anyway. well i found out he love another girl now, i cant literally blame him. at least he told me about it and yea maybe i took it harshly and badly that time but when i think rationally about it now, he did the right thing about telling me and not have an affair when we were together.

I'd just like to thank a couple of people who helped me truly in this when i was at my worst. mostly their my friends and family. well firstly...I'd like to thank inigo a lot. he was the one who was there for me that exact time when i was about to kill myself and he had the heart to come over and talk to me and comfort me at 10-11pm that very night. I'm greatful to have met such a caring fellow. without him that very second...i wont still be who i am now. things he taught and said to me were so true and so helpful. i owe him big time =].

i would also like to thank lai kuan, keng ean, jason and shaun who helped me literally take my mind of him. and I'm sorry that i had to emofy most of our yam char'ing time. and to my other friends, i appreciate you for lending your ears and listening to my problems. i don't know how to thank you more.

most importantly...my family. i love you, all of you. even though things you guys said stinged a lil but hey it was to make me stronger. thank you ZHE who called all the way from Canada just to check up on me and give me some word of advice and Pa also who called form Singapore. you may not always be there when i needed help or counsel but i'll still love you. every single one of you guys.


guess thats all for the thanking part...and yea well me and my ex are friends now. even though it makes me feel a bit awkward to talk to him now and then but its way better than holding a grudge on him when i know nothing will change or be the same again. so i gotta wake up sometime and move on with my life. it may be hard...but as long as i start its better than just laying there restlessly .

to trust someone again is the hardest part. after what has happen and what just did happen it wont be that easy. i will forgive him and this but i don't think I'll ever forget about it. this is 1 of the most painful thing that happened so far. but hey, it wont be right if i kept him with me while there was her there anyway


i just need to look over the brick wall thats blocking me and continue my journey,
there may be glass and thorns now and then,
but I'll reach the sunset eventually.






.CrystaL.