.Luxury.

15.9.10
its been a pretty long time since i wrote.
i guess thats cos life was being stable at that point.
well for now, its been so different. so much things were learnt.
sometimes i just wish i was back in kindergarden when
guys had cooties, wearing matching coloured clothes and the toughest decision made in
a day is picking a crayon. everything was so much easier then.



thats my topic for today i guess, decisions.
i've made a huge decision lately and
i really hope its the right one. i'm sorry if
i've hurt you because of this. nothing has been the same since.
i know my wrong and i regret. but i gotta live too. if you love me,
and if u really think you do. pls understand. this was not plan.
and there isnt anyone else. god bless you. take care...pls. <3>

*goodbye my almost lover,

goodbye my hopeless dreams,

i'm trying not to think about you,

cant you just let me be.

so long my luckless romance,

my back is turned on you,

should've known you'd bring me heartache,

almost lovers always do*

.xoxo.

.CrystaL.

nightmare.

life sucks.
i hate being my size. its just irritating sometimes.
ppl who love you, dont wanna hurt your feelings so they
tell you your not fat. which is true..but your not thin either.
so where do i stand? and ppl who dislike you would
go around saying your fat. so which one should i believe?
thats where it sucks. according to me.. i usually go with the negative side.
maybe its because i feel shallow inside, who knows?
it hurts to know that ppl call you fat. i know i am fat..
you don't have to go around screaming it to the whole world.
what has my weight ever done to you.? my weight
is a really sensitive issue to me. maybe to a million other girls out there.
to get a comment about it sucks. so all those thin girls out there, be happy of what you have.
stop being bulimic and live your life by enjoying food while you can.
cos fat ppl like me gotta suffer and control the type and amount
of food we consume to make the size we are now
consistent or smaller. i dont mind comments to me in a nice way..
but i dont like ppl bitching about it behind my back and LOUDLY. ouh so louadly.
so you...watch your words. i'm lettin you off now, cos u dont know where you stand.
whereas for the next time, i'll just stretch my right arm and use 4muscles
to slap your motha fuckin face out. who knows..
maybe when i slap you i can retarderfy your retarded face.
don't worry i still respect you because your bf is my fren =]
but for you..i dun give a flying fuck about you.
i maybe fat hun...but i sure am lucky not to be ugly like you.
so basically..FUCK YOU!

.xoxoxo.
.CrystaL.

Holland

its time.
to let you go.
i've done my part.
and you should know.

you were more than a friend.
a friend i would love to keep.
you meant alot to me.
thats why i saved you from the weeps.

well..its time to leave you alone now.
as i can see.
you only need me when your down and low.
when you need my help again, call my name.
i'll put all your miseries in flame.

i enjoyed those 5am nights on skype.
memories like that will never be erased.
i'll be missing you presence while your gone.
but i know you need your space.
teddy.

*so baby don't worry,you are my only,
you won't be lonely, even if the sky is falling down,
you'll be my only, no need to worry,
baby are you down down down down down,
down..down,
baby are you down down down down down,
down..down,
even if the sky is falling down.*




.xoxo.
.CrystaL.

1.5.10

my birthday sucked. i guess wateva happened iin the morning
spoiled the whole day. my sister took the time to
organise a surprise party for me when she saw
my post on FB. hey...at least she cared. well now i really know
who are TRUE friends right? but..wtv that my sister took
her time to do...dint make up for the pain i was going tru.
so yea...i dunno when its gonna end, but all i
can say is that it wont last that long.i'm disappointed in you.
in BOTH of you..sigh. hell knows why it happened to me.
i've been too much of an asshole to deserve this i guess.
well..thats all for now.

.xoxoxoxoxo.
.CrystaL.

.the smell of wine and cheap perfume.

30.4.10

i guess somethings just dont work out the way u want them to.
not everything goes the way you planned it to go.
so i just play my part and hope u have a change of heart.

hey hey :D just came back from msss like yday. i got injured!! oh no =<.
sobs sobs...now i gotta wear a bandange wrapping
my ankle and walk like a freakin retard.
i dont understand MALAYSIANs sometimes. they like to stare.
if your bra is out (they stare) if you fall (they stare)
if you stare (they stare) if you walk around limping(they stare)
if your WHITE (THEY STARE)
god darn it! GOD gave you 2 eyes not to stare.
he gave you 2 eyes to not only see physically but also deeply inside
a person. so STOP STARING! i know i walk like a retard!! you
dont have to stare!! ASSHOLES =.=

the msss was held at banting. it was so fun.
my roomates were awesome and awesomely noisy too, right teddy?
hahahaha..well yea. lost in quarters :< it was all my fault.
dint play my game..sigh. sorry ashley.
and stupid stroking made me sprain my ankle. then
the stupid tap in the toilet made me cut my hand! fucks.
not my day..seriously. anyhow, tomorrow
is my bday =] no idea wad to do yet.
maybe just b a couch potato somwehre since
i'm retarded on my bday. so much for sweetsixteen right?
well..its okay i've got my boyfriend and BESTFRIENDS(teddy, ke, ls & lk =D)
to keep me safe and happy. i love them..all of them to bits and pieces.
well i guess thats all for now. aint got much to say other than
today sucks hard core cock! till next time peeps =]

.xoxoxo.
.CrystaL.

make our great escape.

shakalaka boom!
life is always about the money.
here, there, everywhere..all money money money.
i wish i was rich =/ i could get anything i want.
like an awesome car..or like a bigger house. or SLAVES!
they can like feed me grapes and wipe my ass when i am done
with the loo.

but sadly..my family isn't that rich. only my dad
but he has another WOMAN to take care of now. *Sigh*

ouh well..i guess life just sucks for me. i just hope it gets
better after reaching my birthday next week.
i hope my dad at least got me the phone i want. nokia 5530.
i doubt he'll get it for me..there isn't much point
at staring at the bright side anymore..cos I'll just knock myself
down with disappointments. anyhow..i'll just write
down a birthday wish list which i hope i'll get them as presents :]

Crystal chai's personal birthday wish list :

1. nokia 5530 (white colour with pink linings)
2. roxy handbag
3. roxy bikini
4. heels
5. roxy watch
6. nike gym bag
7. roxy sandals
8. roxy pencil box
9. money
10. to have back a normal family wouldn't hurt

so far..i guess thats all.
.mysweetsixteen.1.5.10.


.xoxoxo.
.CrystaL.

clarity, peace, serenity

awakening of morning dews in the dawn,
shadows of trees glowing in the night,
growing up with a family which is torn,
fighting through challenges of life with all her might.


summer arrives; drying the earth,
giving animals the urge of thirst,
seen him disappear with her own eyes were rough,
thinking back of how it started is tough enough.

flowers start to bloom as spring draws closer,
awakening mother earth from her rest,
living a life isn't easy without a father,
burden is on her,my mom; to do her best.

leaves having to drizzle like rain,
when autumn comes along,
you can't imagine how much she was in pain,
she'll never forgive and let him back into her life for his wrong.

ice covering every part of land,
when winter strikes Christmas so clear,
it wasn't in their vow or marriage plan,
to have her find out he was cheating on her.

GOD invented the seasons in his finest,
summer, spring, autumn and winter,
even already having to raise 3 goddess,
love between mom and dad were gone forever.


.xoxoxo.
.CrystaL.