20.2.12
everything has been changing. ppl has been changing.
college just isn't the same. it is pretty depressing at some point.
to the extend where you'll not have friends who got your back.
but life goes on i suppose. sad to say, i changed too.
so here's my perspective of life.
LIFE. 4 words with possible 4million meanings in 4billion ethnics.
but what does it really mean? what is it really for? what is the purpose of me still living?
well for me, life is a product. it could possibly mean absolutely nothing.
i have life in my own hands. it's either i do something marvelously GREAT with it,
or i could just lay on my bed all day regretting on what i have not sought to
know. i'm a proud Buddhist and i believe in karma. we believe, when u do bad things;
it will might just as well lead you to a bad route.
i've never felt like a bigger bitch than just a few days ago.the day
i broke up with my bf, at that time. i broke up cos,
i couldn't tolerate him any longer. it's not that he was a bad bf till
i somehow just couldn't tolerate. but i changed. college changed me.
he was the sweetest and nicest i've had so far. sad to say, he wasn't mine.
when u have come to my stage in life..you'd realize that not everything goes as planned.
and not everyone are meant to be or could be together. its just like..not every cloud rains,
not every skies are blue, not every seedling blooms into a flower.
life has it's ups and downs, like a mountain. when bad things starts
to accumulate, you only know that good things are bound to happen.
this blog is dedicated to him especially. i'm just stopping here to apologize to you
for what i did. it wasn't your fault. your a great boyfriend, even one of the
sweetest. but trust me when i say i'm not the one. i would know. you're good looking,
you're young..just get over a bitch like me and move on. u will definitely find
the perfect one and only. i have my faith in you. and that girl, will be one hell of
a lucky chick. if she doesn't appreciate it. take a step back and move on again.
cos that's what life is, it doesn't determine your future but if u put
in enough effort and pain. it could just incorporate where u will end up.
i wish u all the best. and i am truly sorry. i never meant to hurt you.
but i did it for both of us. no other guys no other mixed feelings. just the
fact the we are not the right fit. like 2 pieces of a puzzle.
unfortunately, me and u aren't even the same picture of the puzzle.
thanks for your time and effort. you deserve the best, and she is out there.
take care <3
.xxoo.
.CrystaL.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Thursday, December 22, 2011
a new chapter in life
22.12.11
happy birthday sister :) candice chai yuann yuann.
even if u have been a pain in my ass and constantly keep
getting me into trouble, your still my sister.
and i've got too much of a lil sister ego to tell u i love u
face to face :) but i do. haha
on 19.12.11
- Vanity Night - smkbu prom :)
it was one of the best nights ever.
went over at troppy about 1pm to tie 200 balloons D:
quite sien la. LOL but its all good. went back to ls hse to bathe then
head over to ou for hair&makeup. reached back
at troppy about 7ish to find out it has
been blacked out since 6 -.- .
at 8pm, the generator arrives..and only after an
hour...the electricity was back on. PROM was then kickstarted with so many performances :)
overall..it was an amazing night. everyone had fun :)
it was the best prom of 2011.
so hear me out, fuck you if u didn't come cos u
think it'll be lame. fuck you if u think
we couldn't do it and fuck you if you looked down on us.
even with small number, we had the time of our lives <3
after having to live in taiping..for so many days,
i really appreciate life more. this is based and for my ama.
a few months back, on lantern festival day..
something bad happened to my grandmom :/
it was about in the evening when she went out with my grandfather..
to get some mooncake.
she was walking on the road towards the car after
already purchasing the stuff they needed.
a motorcyclist drove buy and tried to pull off
the handbag from ama's arm. in shock,
ama lost balanced and fell head first on the road.
the motorcyclist did not manage to take the hanbag but
ama was unconscious with blood coming out from her ears.
kongkong quickly rushed him to the emergency room.
as the results came back, ama broke her hip bone
and her brain was bleeding internally. hours pass and she was getting weaker and weaker.
the doctor in the taiping general hosp ordered her to be sent
to the main hospital in ipoh to be checked again.
ama was weak :/ she couldn't open her eyes. the bleeding of her brain did
not stop. thus, a surgery was needed to be done to have at least a chance for her to live.
the surgeon had a talk with mummy, over the circumstances of this surgery.
because of my grandmother's age, the chances of ama living thru this is slight.
and if she does manage to go thru the surgery..there will be side effects
such as memory loss and so on as they will be operating on her brains.
the surgery took place at about 12am till 3am. mummy received a call from
the hosp saying its over, they can go see her now.
after all that :/ ama was in icu. having to go in there..and see
all these...tubes and wires connected to her. hurts alot.
after weeks and weeks of seeing her in the same condition,
i had to go back to kl as it was my spm trials week. i already skipped
my moral paper for trials. as months passed..ama managed to fight
thru it. she woke up. i was so happy everything turned out ok.
today i sit here in taiping..watching my mom,aunt and my uncle..
helping her and nurturing her to walk again.
it brings tears to my eyes. it shows that...
life can just go like that...in a split second. why waste it on
things that'll bring u nowhere but down?
i love my family.
i love life.
.xxoo.
.CrystaL.
happy birthday sister :) candice chai yuann yuann.
even if u have been a pain in my ass and constantly keep
getting me into trouble, your still my sister.
and i've got too much of a lil sister ego to tell u i love u
face to face :) but i do. haha
on 19.12.11
- Vanity Night - smkbu prom :)
it was one of the best nights ever.
went over at troppy about 1pm to tie 200 balloons D:
quite sien la. LOL but its all good. went back to ls hse to bathe then
head over to ou for hair&makeup. reached back
at troppy about 7ish to find out it has
been blacked out since 6 -.- .
at 8pm, the generator arrives..and only after an
hour...the electricity was back on. PROM was then kickstarted with so many performances :)
overall..it was an amazing night. everyone had fun :)
it was the best prom of 2011.
so hear me out, fuck you if u didn't come cos u
think it'll be lame. fuck you if u think
we couldn't do it and fuck you if you looked down on us.
even with small number, we had the time of our lives <3
even with small numbers, we had the night of our lives :) <3 
after having to live in taiping..for so many days,
i really appreciate life more. this is based and for my ama.
a few months back, on lantern festival day..
something bad happened to my grandmom :/
it was about in the evening when she went out with my grandfather..
to get some mooncake.
she was walking on the road towards the car after
already purchasing the stuff they needed.
a motorcyclist drove buy and tried to pull off
the handbag from ama's arm. in shock,
ama lost balanced and fell head first on the road.
the motorcyclist did not manage to take the hanbag but
ama was unconscious with blood coming out from her ears.
kongkong quickly rushed him to the emergency room.
as the results came back, ama broke her hip bone
and her brain was bleeding internally. hours pass and she was getting weaker and weaker.
the doctor in the taiping general hosp ordered her to be sent
to the main hospital in ipoh to be checked again.
ama was weak :/ she couldn't open her eyes. the bleeding of her brain did
not stop. thus, a surgery was needed to be done to have at least a chance for her to live.
the surgeon had a talk with mummy, over the circumstances of this surgery.
because of my grandmother's age, the chances of ama living thru this is slight.
and if she does manage to go thru the surgery..there will be side effects
such as memory loss and so on as they will be operating on her brains.
the surgery took place at about 12am till 3am. mummy received a call from
the hosp saying its over, they can go see her now.
after all that :/ ama was in icu. having to go in there..and see
all these...tubes and wires connected to her. hurts alot.
after weeks and weeks of seeing her in the same condition,
i had to go back to kl as it was my spm trials week. i already skipped
my moral paper for trials. as months passed..ama managed to fight
thru it. she woke up. i was so happy everything turned out ok.
today i sit here in taiping..watching my mom,aunt and my uncle..
helping her and nurturing her to walk again.
it brings tears to my eyes. it shows that...
life can just go like that...in a split second. why waste it on
things that'll bring u nowhere but down?
i love my family.
i love life.
.xxoo.
.CrystaL.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
N*5
13.10.11
sometimes things just do go the way you want them to.
sometimes ppl say things, they don't mean out of anger.
but if u sum it up all together and add a lil more problems,
you get LIFE.
when i was about form2 to form3 i was a big B I T C H. trust me.
i would go around..thinking i was the coolest kid on the blog.
telling ppl i did things, which i didn't do.
skip skewl, fight with teacher, fight with ppl
and seriously many many more.
but i learn tru it. luckily for me..i had the 4 greatest ppl.
they helped me tru it..like hell they did. they were fucking
worried for me. i really have to thank them for that.
i wouldn't be who i am standing here today, if it wasn't for them.
we are the N*5. this may sound lame..but baby if u met us,
you'd be blown away. we've been friends for 5 years..
there are ups and downs..but we made it. we made tru everything.
due to the fact that we are all girls, we tend to pms.
quite alot (kengean) but its okay. TROLOLOLOL. we still livetru it. i'm really proud and happy to say, i thank god i have themby my side..during the happy times and the sad. 5 years come and go babes..promise me one thing?we would never end..cos this is one of the greatest relationships..i have ever had. in my laife! and believe me..thats a lot of relationships to be compared to. we will never be apart ok? forever we stand as 1 and forever we go as 1. those bitches out there..they only hate us cos they can't havewhat we have. you name it...we've been tru it.after this year finally ends...we'll be going our separate ways,it's really sad come to think of it. all i know is, i know u girls will have my backas i will have yours! thanks alot babes. you make my life a living hell anda dying heaven :) i <3 u guys. actually i less than infinity N*5 !!if u don't invite me to your wedding!!! we are no longer tight yo!ahhahaha...LUB LUB YOU BABES <3
MEGAN GAN LI SHYEN. SOO KENG EAN. KEE YEE FERN. NG LAI KUAN. CRYSTAL CHAI CHIIN CHIIN.
this is a random pic btw. this will explain why i ain't a slut like those other bitches.
this is my primary skewl pic. i am the one on the second row, 3rd from the right side.
if u dont see me. damn ur blind cos i was HUGE. LOL :) lub lub cao
.xxoo.
.CrystaL.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Don't roll me down
12.10.11
skipped skewl. again :/ home now. updates!
Confessions:
i've done alot of not so good things lately. things i never thought
in a million years i would allow myself to. i guess, this is just
part of life right? well..all i know is, that it may be real bad.
but hell! it made me feel so much better about myself. thanks :)
SPM is killing me softly these few days. i only have about
30++ days left. and i'm crazy freakin out. i'm not ready :( not at all.
OUH OUH my awesome friend baked me a cake!
and it was awesome shizzz :D HOMG his the bestest.
your gonna be so famous one day and forget me D:
naww man! ahahhaa. heres some pics to start of : -
I love my friends. they keep me going in life. ntg will come between us babes <3
5 years and we still going strong. best relationship i have ever had :)
xxoo N*5 we the booomshakalaka babies :D
.xxoo.
.CrystaL.
skipped skewl. again :/ home now. updates!
Confessions:
i've done alot of not so good things lately. things i never thought
in a million years i would allow myself to. i guess, this is just
part of life right? well..all i know is, that it may be real bad.
but hell! it made me feel so much better about myself. thanks :)
SPM is killing me softly these few days. i only have about
30++ days left. and i'm crazy freakin out. i'm not ready :( not at all.
OUH OUH my awesome friend baked me a cake!
and it was awesome shizzz :D HOMG his the bestest.
your gonna be so famous one day and forget me D:
naww man! ahahhaa. heres some pics to start of : -
5 years and we still going strong. best relationship i have ever had :)
xxoo N*5 we the booomshakalaka babies :D
.xxoo.
.CrystaL.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
.baby it's cold outside.
6.oct.2011
RIP STEVE JOBS.
you were the person who made everything possible.
everyone was devastated, when u left apple this year.
but i guess we finally know why. god needed u to go up there.
to fix his ipad (:
someone, i've been talking to. taught me alot.
taught me to be more confident in myself,
don't look down on others, don't look up too
much to others and so on. i've been tru so much,
with never ending heartbreaks and disappointments.
i'm only getting stronger (:
the day, you said to LS "can u guys stop doing this to me?
can you ask crystal to stop it. just stop it" yea..that openned
my all so blind eyes. to something so obvious. i've been waiting..
and hoping for u to come back. and now i can say this...
FOR FUCKS AHR?!? wtf man. seriously. i was so dumb.
u were a good bf...the best so far. but things change.
ppl changed. and hell no i'm not gonna wait for u to
change back. your not a transformer -.- you can't just
change into something diff in like 2.450 seconds.
wtv it is, i'm just not ready to be like..okay with saying hi and
bye yet. just, be patient. understand where i am coming from.
SPM is already a huge bitch to me.. i don't need u being 1 too.
JUST To you : ppl may call you a superstar/famous/celebrity/chef/topoftheworld and only be frens with u for that. look at me in the eyes, i'm not those type. who fucks around with friends. i'm not a girl who's only in it to be parasiting on your popularity. WHAT would i get in return? your not gonna give me money nor a house (: i'm only in it, to be part of who you are. haha. i wanna be ur patrick when ur the spongebob (: thats all. so don't get all pissed off when i call u a soupieestar (: cos you always are to me. *my head is stuck in the clouds*
.man who can cook is a <3 +.
.CrystaL.
RIP STEVE JOBS.
you were the person who made everything possible.
everyone was devastated, when u left apple this year.
but i guess we finally know why. god needed u to go up there.
to fix his ipad (:
someone, i've been talking to. taught me alot.
taught me to be more confident in myself,
don't look down on others, don't look up too
much to others and so on. i've been tru so much,
with never ending heartbreaks and disappointments.
i'm only getting stronger (:
the day, you said to LS "can u guys stop doing this to me?
can you ask crystal to stop it. just stop it" yea..that openned
my all so blind eyes. to something so obvious. i've been waiting..
and hoping for u to come back. and now i can say this...
FOR FUCKS AHR?!? wtf man. seriously. i was so dumb.
u were a good bf...the best so far. but things change.
ppl changed. and hell no i'm not gonna wait for u to
change back. your not a transformer -.- you can't just
change into something diff in like 2.450 seconds.
wtv it is, i'm just not ready to be like..okay with saying hi and
bye yet. just, be patient. understand where i am coming from.
SPM is already a huge bitch to me.. i don't need u being 1 too.
JUST To you : ppl may call you a superstar/famous/celebrity/chef/topoftheworld and only be frens with u for that. look at me in the eyes, i'm not those type. who fucks around with friends. i'm not a girl who's only in it to be parasiting on your popularity. WHAT would i get in return? your not gonna give me money nor a house (: i'm only in it, to be part of who you are. haha. i wanna be ur patrick when ur the spongebob (: thats all. so don't get all pissed off when i call u a soupieestar (: cos you always are to me. *my head is stuck in the clouds*
.man who can cook is a <3 +.
.CrystaL.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
My life ended when he left
things got bad. after he left. it was all my fault.
i regret it everyday. its not just words that's coming out from my mouth.
i feel the pain. we did so much together. i screwed up..i admit.
i just didn't understand how it could have just ended like that.
it was suppose to be 99 years. you and me.
even so..i still love you. even now..i still love you.
now..here we are. talking on fb chats. as if everything else is fine.
well guess what? i'm not fine.
i miss you. i miss calling you mine. i need your love.
it's been so long. i'm still not over you.
guys are blowing up my phones, but i still only think about you.
the only person i wanna see a text or a call from..is an unknown number
but the same damn sweet voice that you made me fall in love with.
i'm sorry Tan Xiao-Ian. if your reading this, here is a msg for you
" i still love you. obviously i do. every night i think of you. when i even talk the slightest things about you, i'll have a hard time fighting my tears. just wanna tell you..i'm really sorry. i regret..everyday of my life. we were a good couple. you and i. the problems, troubles and pain we've been tru...paid off. i've been wshing you'd come back. that one day when i reach home from skewl..you'd be standing outside my hse waiting for me. maybe the wish...is just a wish. you don't know what i'll do to call you mine..just 1 last time. the pain just won't go away...as long as i don't have you when i still love you so very much. at this rate, i'll probably be in pain for the rest of my life. i miss us, picking me from skewl. heading to your hse. heading to my hse. going to langkawi. going to genting. we did so much. it all ended..because of me. i was a fucking idiot. i shouldnt have done what i did. how much i want to kill myself. to know that your easily moving on, kills me worst emotionally. bottom line is..i still love you ok? i'd pray for another chance..but knowing things, that'll probably just stay forever a prayer."
till next time. probably when i find myself. i fucked up & now i am fucked up.
.xoxo.
.CrystaL.
i regret it everyday. its not just words that's coming out from my mouth.
i feel the pain. we did so much together. i screwed up..i admit.
i just didn't understand how it could have just ended like that.
it was suppose to be 99 years. you and me.
even so..i still love you. even now..i still love you.
now..here we are. talking on fb chats. as if everything else is fine.
well guess what? i'm not fine.
i miss you. i miss calling you mine. i need your love.
it's been so long. i'm still not over you.
guys are blowing up my phones, but i still only think about you.
the only person i wanna see a text or a call from..is an unknown number
but the same damn sweet voice that you made me fall in love with.
i'm sorry Tan Xiao-Ian. if your reading this, here is a msg for you
" i still love you. obviously i do. every night i think of you. when i even talk the slightest things about you, i'll have a hard time fighting my tears. just wanna tell you..i'm really sorry. i regret..everyday of my life. we were a good couple. you and i. the problems, troubles and pain we've been tru...paid off. i've been wshing you'd come back. that one day when i reach home from skewl..you'd be standing outside my hse waiting for me. maybe the wish...is just a wish. you don't know what i'll do to call you mine..just 1 last time. the pain just won't go away...as long as i don't have you when i still love you so very much. at this rate, i'll probably be in pain for the rest of my life. i miss us, picking me from skewl. heading to your hse. heading to my hse. going to langkawi. going to genting. we did so much. it all ended..because of me. i was a fucking idiot. i shouldnt have done what i did. how much i want to kill myself. to know that your easily moving on, kills me worst emotionally. bottom line is..i still love you ok? i'd pray for another chance..but knowing things, that'll probably just stay forever a prayer."
till next time. probably when i find myself. i fucked up & now i am fucked up.
.xoxo.
.CrystaL.
Friday, May 20, 2011
mid term
hey world :D its been a while.
tell me about it. being form5 sucks.
especially if u fucked up ur form4.
then ur definitely screwed once u reached form5.
nothing much has change though.
just trying to get my fatass to study D:
so this are just a lil pics of my lil bday.
since the exams were near. couldnt celebrate with my babes.
but they still made my day. i love everyone of them.
thanks girls & guys. bros' and siss' for life la.
tell me about it. being form5 sucks.
especially if u fucked up ur form4.
then ur definitely screwed once u reached form5.
nothing much has change though.
just trying to get my fatass to study D:
so this are just a lil pics of my lil bday.
since the exams were near. couldnt celebrate with my babes.
but they still made my day. i love everyone of them.
thanks girls & guys. bros' and siss' for life la.
.xoxo. i still <3 my boyfie.CrystaL. 21/5
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