nightmare.

life sucks.
i hate being my size. its just irritating sometimes.
ppl who love you, dont wanna hurt your feelings so they
tell you your not fat. which is true..but your not thin either.
so where do i stand? and ppl who dislike you would
go around saying your fat. so which one should i believe?
thats where it sucks. according to me.. i usually go with the negative side.
maybe its because i feel shallow inside, who knows?
it hurts to know that ppl call you fat. i know i am fat..
you don't have to go around screaming it to the whole world.
what has my weight ever done to you.? my weight
is a really sensitive issue to me. maybe to a million other girls out there.
to get a comment about it sucks. so all those thin girls out there, be happy of what you have.
stop being bulimic and live your life by enjoying food while you can.
cos fat ppl like me gotta suffer and control the type and amount
of food we consume to make the size we are now
consistent or smaller. i dont mind comments to me in a nice way..
but i dont like ppl bitching about it behind my back and LOUDLY. ouh so louadly.
so you...watch your words. i'm lettin you off now, cos u dont know where you stand.
whereas for the next time, i'll just stretch my right arm and use 4muscles
to slap your motha fuckin face out. who knows..
maybe when i slap you i can retarderfy your retarded face.
don't worry i still respect you because your bf is my fren =]
but for you..i dun give a flying fuck about you.
i maybe fat hun...but i sure am lucky not to be ugly like you.
so basically..FUCK YOU!

.xoxoxo.
.CrystaL.

Holland

its time.
to let you go.
i've done my part.
and you should know.

you were more than a friend.
a friend i would love to keep.
you meant alot to me.
thats why i saved you from the weeps.

well..its time to leave you alone now.
as i can see.
you only need me when your down and low.
when you need my help again, call my name.
i'll put all your miseries in flame.

i enjoyed those 5am nights on skype.
memories like that will never be erased.
i'll be missing you presence while your gone.
but i know you need your space.
teddy.

*so baby don't worry,you are my only,
you won't be lonely, even if the sky is falling down,
you'll be my only, no need to worry,
baby are you down down down down down,
down..down,
baby are you down down down down down,
down..down,
even if the sky is falling down.*




.xoxo.
.CrystaL.

1.5.10

my birthday sucked. i guess wateva happened iin the morning
spoiled the whole day. my sister took the time to
organise a surprise party for me when she saw
my post on FB. hey...at least she cared. well now i really know
who are TRUE friends right? but..wtv that my sister took
her time to do...dint make up for the pain i was going tru.
so yea...i dunno when its gonna end, but all i
can say is that it wont last that long.i'm disappointed in you.
in BOTH of you..sigh. hell knows why it happened to me.
i've been too much of an asshole to deserve this i guess.
well..thats all for now.

.xoxoxoxoxo.
.CrystaL.

.the smell of wine and cheap perfume.

30.4.10

i guess somethings just dont work out the way u want them to.
not everything goes the way you planned it to go.
so i just play my part and hope u have a change of heart.

hey hey :D just came back from msss like yday. i got injured!! oh no =<.
sobs sobs...now i gotta wear a bandange wrapping
my ankle and walk like a freakin retard.
i dont understand MALAYSIANs sometimes. they like to stare.
if your bra is out (they stare) if you fall (they stare)
if you stare (they stare) if you walk around limping(they stare)
if your WHITE (THEY STARE)
god darn it! GOD gave you 2 eyes not to stare.
he gave you 2 eyes to not only see physically but also deeply inside
a person. so STOP STARING! i know i walk like a retard!! you
dont have to stare!! ASSHOLES =.=

the msss was held at banting. it was so fun.
my roomates were awesome and awesomely noisy too, right teddy?
hahahaha..well yea. lost in quarters :< it was all my fault.
dint play my game..sigh. sorry ashley.
and stupid stroking made me sprain my ankle. then
the stupid tap in the toilet made me cut my hand! fucks.
not my day..seriously. anyhow, tomorrow
is my bday =] no idea wad to do yet.
maybe just b a couch potato somwehre since
i'm retarded on my bday. so much for sweetsixteen right?
well..its okay i've got my boyfriend and BESTFRIENDS(teddy, ke, ls & lk =D)
to keep me safe and happy. i love them..all of them to bits and pieces.
well i guess thats all for now. aint got much to say other than
today sucks hard core cock! till next time peeps =]

.xoxoxo.
.CrystaL.

make our great escape.

shakalaka boom!
life is always about the money.
here, there, everywhere..all money money money.
i wish i was rich =/ i could get anything i want.
like an awesome car..or like a bigger house. or SLAVES!
they can like feed me grapes and wipe my ass when i am done
with the loo.

but sadly..my family isn't that rich. only my dad
but he has another WOMAN to take care of now. *Sigh*

ouh well..i guess life just sucks for me. i just hope it gets
better after reaching my birthday next week.
i hope my dad at least got me the phone i want. nokia 5530.
i doubt he'll get it for me..there isn't much point
at staring at the bright side anymore..cos I'll just knock myself
down with disappointments. anyhow..i'll just write
down a birthday wish list which i hope i'll get them as presents :]

Crystal chai's personal birthday wish list :

1. nokia 5530 (white colour with pink linings)
2. roxy handbag
3. roxy bikini
4. heels
5. roxy watch
6. nike gym bag
7. roxy sandals
8. roxy pencil box
9. money
10. to have back a normal family wouldn't hurt

so far..i guess thats all.
.mysweetsixteen.1.5.10.


.xoxoxo.
.CrystaL.

clarity, peace, serenity

awakening of morning dews in the dawn,
shadows of trees glowing in the night,
growing up with a family which is torn,
fighting through challenges of life with all her might.


summer arrives; drying the earth,
giving animals the urge of thirst,
seen him disappear with her own eyes were rough,
thinking back of how it started is tough enough.

flowers start to bloom as spring draws closer,
awakening mother earth from her rest,
living a life isn't easy without a father,
burden is on her,my mom; to do her best.

leaves having to drizzle like rain,
when autumn comes along,
you can't imagine how much she was in pain,
she'll never forgive and let him back into her life for his wrong.

ice covering every part of land,
when winter strikes Christmas so clear,
it wasn't in their vow or marriage plan,
to have her find out he was cheating on her.

GOD invented the seasons in his finest,
summer, spring, autumn and winter,
even already having to raise 3 goddess,
love between mom and dad were gone forever.


.xoxoxo.
.CrystaL.

what i'd think about the 38 things 'US' girls don't know about guys

1.Guys are more emotional then you think, if they loved you at one point,
it'll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go,
and it hurts every second that they try. (trust me on this one)
;then don't let go. why would you let something go if by letting go it'll
hurt you? doesn't make much sense for girls.
2. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always
think about the girl they truly care about. (even the pimps)
;it still doesn't change the fact that their flirting around. how do you expect
a girl to trust u by that way? well i dont know
bout the other chicks in the world, but all i know is that i wont
be able to trust someone who would go flirting around.
3. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile. =]
; agreed! i gotta say even though most times their
the cause of the sadness but guys will never fail to
put a smile back up on our faces =D
4. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him. (yeah, and it's usually something stupid )
; i adore that =] it shows how much
the guy would go through just to get my attention.
5. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest.
Unless they're goin for the
let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.
(oh yes! what guy has not tried this one?)
; guys hate it when we do, but wad bout how us girls feel when
the guy talks about their exs'. it goes both ways.
6. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to. (yeah, so stop calling 300 guys a day)
; that is understood but wad if i'm not the only girl HE talks to?
7. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved. (yeah so stop calling 300 guys a day)
; =D that won't be a problem *I LOVE YOU BABY!*
8. Guys don't care how gorgeous you are, if you're a bitch-- Goodbye.
(yeah so stop calling 300 guys a day and work on your personality)
;i kinda disagree with that. if ur ugly, the guy wouldnt even wanna know u.
the appearance does count..at times.
9. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind..
" would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking.
And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
( i can't really add anything to this one)
; that is the time when the girl actually wants more attention given.
the guy should put in more effort to find
out wads the hanging msg about. thats the main reason why
girls actually invented hanging msgs!
10. Girls are guys' weaknesses. (i wonder if it's the other way around too?)
; no comment
11. Guys are very open about themselves (
and if their not about something they have a damn good reason)
;its nice to have a very open guy. so that tings wont go boring
while time passes.
12. If a guy tells you about his problems,
he just needs someone to listen to him more than anything else.
(Advice is appreciated though =])
;its wad girlfriends are for =D
13. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
(yep, it goes back to that kindergarden kid that was
poking the girl he liked with a stick, all the other guy's saw and thought
"wow that's a damn good idea!"
; guys should know their limits. dont start teasing bout her family or her weight
and size, then it'll be okay =]
14. Guys love you more than you love them. ( yessir)
; i'll only believe that if only he starts showing it more. actions speaks
louder than words. way way louder in this case.
15. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful or gorgeous.
If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole hell of a lot. ( this is true)
;it sucks to hear your boyfriend calling other girls hot infront
of you. so guys out there...listen up.
16. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.
(nice asses or boobs sure help though, don't get me wrong!)
;thats what they always say. its quite true. QUITE
17. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.
(yeah, if your not compassionate, your insensitive, but if your too compassionate your gay....)
; thats wad i call man-ego. guys think too much of wad other guys or their
friends will think about them, and they'll just somehow
forget to show some love to their girlfriends.
18. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does,
even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours,
trying to figure out what it meant.
(we really do, beleive it or not)
; don't keep it to yourselves. girls like guys who
wants to find things out. especially if the girls got
upset or disappointed because of it.
19. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl,
he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
(and what guy hasn't done something stupid?)
; i would think back about it and laugh it off when i'm down =].
20. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back,
he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside. (this is always true )
; MAN-EGO!!!
21. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl,
he really is. Guys rarely say that. (so we mean it when we say it)
;no comment.
22. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying,
"Please come and listen to me."
(it's pretty much the only thing we say that means something else, so know it.)
; its pretty harsh to get shooed sometimes. remember,
girls are SENSATIVE in and out.
23. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him.
It doesn't happen that often, so when it does,
you know something's up. (yeah dude, seriously!)
; i always listen. even when i'm having some problems myself..
i still always listen.
24. When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't.
It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you
to disagree with them. (yeah, it's really annoying when you compliment
a girl on her looks and then end up arguing with her!)
; but its like..i dunno i guess the girl is trying to be humble.
25. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.
(unless were just spacing out. so check to see if were blinking)
; it'll be creepy! i'll probably think "wtf?? is there something on my
face or in my teeth or something??"
26. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes. (so get a telescope)
;girls have unexplainable problems.
27. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily. (oh yes.)
; i'd like someone who wont give up. keep
working hard till he gets his answer.
28. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys. (it's actually true!)
; i so totally disagree. i dream about him in my sleep. beat that x]
29. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and
are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them. (it's very strange)
;we girls just need attention. we love being and feeling loved in return.
its wad every girl would wish for.
30. A guy would give his right nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.
(no way! well maybe leftly, but not mr. right!...okay yes mr. right...)
;keep trying to begg for it. dont stop or threaten her. it'll never work
31. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn
to admit it. (yeah, so remember, if we seem
overwellmed and we don't ask for help, offer it. we'll accept it)
; and again i'd like to say MAN-EGO!
32. Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass
doesnt mean he represents ALL of them...just most. good guys'
are a dieing breed. (i blame the damn hippies)
;well, most good guys are either taken, married or gay =]
so girls, when one just left a relationship..react fast. lol
33. Guy's love it when girls talk about their boobs. (haha oh yes)
;wow, so much for personality. ahhaha
34. When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually
(yeah so avoid guys who do that, they almost always turn out to be Assholes)
;i've got girl friends who does that to me! (LAIKUAN, KENGEAN & LISHYEN) i should avoid them =]
35. Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs.
(this is actually true! i didn't think i was but i tested it!
so we don't admit it or even crack a smile
we just grab your arms and pull them away...lol)
;i know x]

36. Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..
it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts.
(so true, especially after a rough day..)
; i know xD
37. When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you,
he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible. ( remember this one )
;wohoooo! i love him =]
38. Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probaly still does and if
he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life.
(this is very true. takes us guys a long time to get over you girls. can you blame us? your awesome!)
;okayyy -.-



.xoxoxo.
.CrystaL.